Wedding Ceremony Seating

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by EZWeddingPlanner.com

In a Christian wedding, the bride's family and friends are seated on the left side of the church facing the altar. The groom's family and friends will sit on the right side of the church. If the church has two center aisles, the bride's side sits on both sides of the left aisle, the groom's on both sides of the right. The parents sit in the center section; the bride's on the left and groom's on the right. In a Jewish wedding, this is reversed and the bride's guests sit on the right (the side the bride stands on as she faces the rabbi). Also, all parents remain standing under the Huppah throughout the wedding ceremony. The Huppah is a heavily ornamented canopy which may also be adorned with fresh flowers, tassels or embroidery. If divorced, parents' partners will be seated in the second and third rows. The ushers will generally ask the guests if they are a friend or relative of the bride or groom to determine the correct seating. If they are friends with both the bride and groom, they get the best available spot. The usher gives his right arm to the lady to escort her to her seat. If she has a male escort, he generally walks a few steps behind, although a couple can walk together if the usher simply says "Please follow me". If one family has many more guests than the other, everyone may sit together without assigned sides of the church. This will even out the seating and fill up the church or seating area from the front to back. The usher may let guests know that both families are sitting together and then show them to the best available seats.

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Parents of both sides sit in the first or second pew on their respective sides (often times the first pew is left empty in case someone from the bridal party must sit down during the ceremony). Grandparents sit in the next pew on the outside (next to the isle). Siblings can also sit in the grandparents pew. You can reserve additional pews for other honored guests (like family of flower girl and ring bearer, god-parents, etc.) The reserved pews can be marked with flowers, reserved signs, ribbons, etc. or the ushers can just seat the guests behind the reserved pews. You can send pew cards or "within the ribbons" cards to those guests you wish to honor with special seating.

Guests who arrive after the bride's mother has been seated should not be seated by the ushers. This usually applies to guests who arrive later than ten minutes before the ceremony begins. They may simply slip into an empty pew behind the other seated guests. If the procession is already under way, late arriving guests should remain in the rear of the church or synagogue until the wedding party reaches the altar, then seat themselves. Some couples have an usher at the back to help these late guests after the procession is complete.

While loud voices should always be avoided, quiet talk among guests is acceptable until the procession begins. Guests need not participate in any religious ceremony they feel unconfortable doing, especially if they are of a different faith. It is polite, however, to follow the lead of sitting and standing as the front pews (generally parents) do. Guests may remain seated when others kneel. Guests should participate in things like handshakes, or a brief greeting of nearby guests. In Orthodox or Conservative Jewish congregations, all men cover their heads and married women may choose to do so. It is polite for Christian and non-Jewish men to accept the yarmulke (skullcap) and a married women the handkerchief with hairpin, which are distributed at the door. Check with the bride's relatives to see if hats will do.

After the reception, guests should remain in their seats until ushers have escorted out the family of the bride and groom, including grandparents and other close relatives. Ushers may then stand at each pew, beginning at the front, signaling guests to leave row by row. This may take time, depending on if there is a receiving line at the back or not. Ushers are good people to ask about directions to the reception, restrooms, etc., but this should be done prior to the service and not as you are filing out, as this would hold up other guests.

Many brides say seating arrangements at the reception is their biggest headache. First, consider the style of food being served. Finger foods and light fare do not require formal seating and some general tables may work well. Buffets and individually served meals do require formal seating.

All meals that are appropriate for seating should have a seating plan with designated places. Your guests will appreciate that you have thought of each one of them and designated a place for them. It also avoids any seating disagreements and table hopping that may arise with open seating. If you are having a buffet, you can just designate seating for the bridal party and parents, etc. and have open seating for your guests although assigned seating is more personal.

If you are designating seating, write out guests' names and table numbers on table cards. These cards should be informal (Mary Smith or Mrs. Smith not Mrs. Mark L. Smith) If two people have the same last name, be sure to include first names or initials to differentiate them. You can decorate them, use different colored paper depending on what their meal choice is, add flowers that match your bridal or centerpiece flowers, add your initials, etc. You might hire a calligrapher to write out these cards or use a fancy font on your computer to print them. These cards can be set on a table by the door, arranged in alphabetical order or placed on each table before the guests arrive. They can be placed on the folded napkin on the plate or just above the dinner plate. If they are already pre-placed, a master seating chart can be posted by the entry with each guest's name and table number. If you write the guest's name on both sides, it is easier for guests at the same table who do not know each other to talk to each other. Be sure you check the names against your master list of RSVPs so you do not forget anyone. And, it is not a bad idea to have a few extra places at a table for any unexpected guests who may show up and need seating.

Don't seat older guests near the band or kitchen as it may be hard for them to hear. Seat people who share hobbies or occupations together. Single guests and teens or children can be seated together. Consider a chaperone or entertainment on children's tables (books, crayons, favors, etc.) Some people prefer to seat children with their parents and not have a separate children's table. Seat divorced parents separately, each with their own table of family and friends. This is also a parents choice depending on their civility. They may choose to sit together at a parents' table. Seat spouses or guests of attendants at head table if bridal party is small, or together on one table if bridal party is large. Consider seating smokers together and away from non-smokers if possible.

In EZWeddingPlanner.com, there is a seating feature that lets you easily arrange and rearrange all of your guests (either by number in party or by those who have said they will be attending). This seating program will let you add, size, and populate reception tables. It even accounts for smokers. EZWeddingPlanner is preferred by brides planning their weddings because it manages the tiny details without flooding her with advertising and junk emails.

If you have a head table, the wedding party should be seated facing the guests, so that everyone can see. Your groom should sit to your left, your maid of honor will sit next to the groom, and the best man will go next to you. The bridesmaids and groomsmen will be seated alternately around the rest of the table. You may also wish to include the clergy-person, your parents, the groom's parents, grandparents, and godparents, depending on the size of the bridal party.

Be sure to keep table decorations low so that guests will have an unobstructed view of the wedding party. Some ideas are: low flower arrangements like garlands (some brides use the bridal bouquets as the table decoration), candles, ribbons, picture frames, or something that goes with the wedding theme. If you have a nautical or tropical wedding you could have gold fish in bowls or sea shells at each table, or just at the head table.

One of the fun things done at wedding receptions for the head table is to have a framed picture of the bride with each bridesmaid and groom with each groomsman placed at their table setting. This can be instead of the place card and is a fun gift for them to take home after the reception. Be sure you have photos of each of them and allow enough time before the wedding to develop and frame the pictures.

Many couples are foregoing the head table in favor of regular smaller tables, like the guests sit at. One benefit of this is that you can also seat spouses or guests of the wedding party with their respective attendant. Some feel this is more comfortable for everyone involved in the wedding. It also takes up less room than a head table, if space is limited. Individual tables are also less formal, depending on the atmosphere you want at your reception.

You may want to have a table of honor close to the bridal table. This could hold special friends, god-parents, or relatives who were especially helpful and close when you were growing up. You could also acknowledge these people with a special toast.

Head table and bridal party etiquette: men should keep their jackets on and women their shoes for the entire celebration. Be sure to keep your voices low, especially during announcements, toasts, prayers, etc. Do not comb your hair, apply makeup or smoke at the table. Their are other appropriate places to do these things. Avoid having too much to drink as a drunk attendant or groom is an embarrassment. Be sure to eat enough as it helps absorb alcohol and you will need the energy for dancing, mingling and staying alert for the entire reception. Avoid crude or off-color jokes, especially when toasting the bridal couple.

If you decide to have the receiving line at the reception, be sure there is enough room to do this. That is, that the tables are not too close to the door or receiving area. If you had a receiving line at the ceremony site, try to make your way around the reception area to mingle with your guests and thank them again for coming. This is more personal than a general thank you from the head table.

If you are having a cocktail hour, be sure you have enough room for your guests, including some small tables for those who may need to sit down. When it is time for the meal, generally the banquet manager or waiters will ask the guests to go to the reception area to be seated. By this time, they should have picked up their seating cards or checked the seating board for their correct places.